From the moment you were old enough to understand the difference between designer denim and Lee Dungarees, fashion was important. If you were forced to endure the everyday popularity contest that was junior high, you might recall begging your parents for overpriced crap with brand names like Billabong plastered all over it.
High school was more of the same. You put considerable thought into choosing your daily wardrobe. You even packed color coordinated shirts, shorts, and scrunchies for afternoon sports practice.
Then you went off to college. With finals and papers and late-night games of flip cup, it was enough of a struggle to show up to class. Your fashion standards slipped, little by little, until oversized sunglasses, mismatched sweats and Ugg boots became your signature look.
And your workout attire? Well, since you were too lazy to do laundry more than once a month, you constantly found yourself fishing at the bottom of your t-shirt drawer. You would wear any clean shirt you could get your hands on, regardless of whatever logo or ridiculous slogan happened to be printed on it.
And that, my friends, is risky business. Sometimes, what you think your clothes say about you—if you have indeed thought about it—is very different from the actual message you are inadvertently communicating to your peers.
To better explain what I mean, I have provided paired examples in six different categories. The following is based on real observations at an actual college gym:
What you think it says: “I am environmentally conscious. I now use this shirt—which I received as a birthday/Christmas/eighth grade graduation gift when I was 14—as a cutoff workout tee. Reduce, reuse, recycle!”
What it actually says: “I still feel guilty about letting my mom pay $84 for a white cotton t-shirt, and I am going to keep wearing it until it literally falls off of my body—which shouldn’t be too long, considering it was made in Honduras at a cost of approximately 17 cents.”
What you think it says: “Wings and beer! Yum!”
What it actually says: “Scantily clad girls with low standards! Yum!”
What you think it says: “Long live the Who Dat Nation, ya'll!”
What it actually says: Same. You’re actually pretty safe with this one.
What you think it says: “I am a loyal fan who sticks by my team through thick and thin. I am a champion of underdogs everywhere.”
What it actually says: “I have become accustomed to failure. I don’t mind losing or being subjected to public embarrassment over and over again.”
What you think it says: “I completed an Ironman triathlon. That means I’m a legit athlete.”
What it actually says: “My training is more important yours. So get off that treadmill and do your power walking at the mall.”
What you think it says: “I am a kind and generous person. I volunteered my time for the benefit of athletes with disabilities.”
What it actually says: “I (might have) competed in the Special Olympics.”
What you think it says: “I saw Tom Petty live and in concert. It was awesome, and so am I.”
What it actually says: Same. Again, you’re safe here. (No bias whatsoever. I definitely do not own a souvenir t-shirt from Tom Petty’s 2008 summer concert series.)
What you think it says: “I don’t care what people think about me. Miley Cyrus is a talented artist and performer, and Hannah Montana should have won an Emmy.”
What it actually says: “I am secretly a 15 year-old girl. Or Billy Ray Cyrus.”
Category #5: The non-profit organization shirt
What you think it says: “I support the constitutional right to bear arms.”
What it actually says: “I have a house full of creepy animal heads.”
What you think it says: “I support the fight against animal cruelty.”
What it actually says: “We could never be friends because I would judge you for eating chicken McNuggets.”
What it actually says: “George Bush! Chicken fried steak! Yeaaaaaaahhhhhh!”
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