El paso (Spanish for "the paso")

I was driving along the highway the other day—slightly above the speed limit, mind you—when out of nowhere some crazy teenager in a bright red ’92 Blazer zoomed by and completely cut me off. She was so close to my front bumper that I was forced to hit the brakes.

And it’s a good thing I did, because she nearly sliced off my front grill and headlights as she executed a pass that looked like something from the movie trailer for Fast and Furious 5 (can you believe they are still making those?) To top it all off, after almost causing a major accident due to her dire need to get around me, she slowed to a speed considerably lower than my original rate.

Enraged, I squeezed my steering wheel and exhaled forcefully through my nose, half-expecting actual fire to come out. (It didn’t.)

For as long as I’ve had my driver’s license, I have compared the rules of the road to the rules of the track. In fact, I often intermix the two, which has both advantages and disadvantages. For example, I would never pull the close-cut stunt that had befallen me that fateful afternoon. It would violate the “one and a half strides” rule that governs passing in a track race. In my opinion, this rule should be incorporated into traffic law so drivers like Little Miss Vin Diesel are disqualified from being licensed to drive.

I will admit, however, that my racing instincts have led to some close calls with the law, and I’m pretty sure most highway patrolmen would not buy the old “surging-to-avoid-getting-boxed-in” excuse.

But let’s focus on the subject of passing. Of all the race-related driving maneuvers (or “manoeuvres” for all you Brits and Canadians), this is the one whose rules of conduct and courtesy most closely mirror those governing the track. With just days to go before the first races of the spring track season, I think now is the perfect time to review the rules of passing.

Passing: a comprehensive and unofficial (but not comprehensively unofficial) guide

1.) Location – Whether you are racing on an open course or on a track, there are certain places that are more suitable for passing than others. Initiating a pass in an inappropriate area could lead to wasted energy, lost time, and/or an angry post-race lecture from your coach. As with driving, it is not recommended to attempt passing on an incline, curve, or single-lane stretch of road. Wait for a long, flat, straight section—like a straightaway on the track—where you have enough distance to surge, verbally taunt your opponent, cut in, and settle back into pace.

2.) Timing – Nothing is worse than passing a competitor, only to realize that you have made your move too early, leaving them adequate time to regroup and respond. To return to the driving analogy, imagine the following scenario: you are driving a PT Cruiser. You’re doing 75, and the Honda CR-V in front of you is going about 60—which is 10 mph under the limit. You step on the gas and blow by him, well aware of the mountain pass just a few miles ahead. As expected, the Cruiser fails to maintain its speed as it climbs the hill, and you begin to worry that Sunday-drive-CR-V-guy is going to catch you. Your worst fears are confirmed as you glance at your rearview mirror. You shrink down in your seat as he rolls past you in a seemingly effortless motion. You steal a glance to your left and notice that he is, in fact, wearing suspenders and a turtleneck sweater at the same time. But come on, you’re driving a PT Cruiser—are you really in a position to pass judgment? Anyway, you are too embarrassed to make a second attempt on the other side of the pass, so you’re stuck moving at a senior pace for the remainder of your trip. Relevant lesson: in a racing context, a premature pass could empty out your energy reserves too early, leaving you vulnerable in the final sprint to the finish.

3.) Commitment – An appropriate, well-executed pass should be quick, clean and relatively painless. In short, if you are going to pass, then pass. Don’t come up on someone’s shoulder only to back down when they challenge your speed. Don’t make a pass only to settle into a slower pace than before. And for the love of God in heaven, don’t make one of those slow-motion passes where you’re going one second per mile (or one mile per hour) faster than the other guy. Watching one of those passes is like slowly peeling off a Band-Aid. I would rather watch a Lord of the Rings movie or listen to “Bohemian Rhapsody” on repeat.

4.) Instinct – Many racers struggle with making the decision to pass. Although it is important to briefly consider the costs and benefits of making a move, you should avoid overthinking the matter. If you hesitate too long, you may lose your opportunity. So go ahead—take a risk, go with your gut. If you crash and burn, there’s always next time*.

*Car analogy not applicable in this case. Crashing and burning will likely result in critical injury or death. Adjust strategy accordingly.

Spring running survival guide

It’s been months since you last saw the pavement on your street, so when you begin to notice patches of asphalt peeking through the melting layers of muddy slush, you can’t wait to reacquaint yourself with the pleasures of running on solid ground. With no more black-ice booby traps to watch out for, you are anxious to hit the road and run as fast and far as you please, throwing caution to the 35-mile-an-hour wind.

But while threats of frostbite and hypothermia may have dwindled with the coming of spring, the season of rebirth brings with it a host of new dangers. Here is a breakdown of the top spring running hazards with suggestions on how to handle them:

1.) Ill-behaved hillbilly dogs – It’s a sunny spring day, so you decide to head to your favorite park for a nice afternoon jog. When you arrive, you find that (literally) everyone and their dog had the exact same idea. Seriously, it’s like people have come out of the hills, venturing into city limits for the first time in months to buy horse feed and kerosene. If this is the case, it’s unlikely that they’ve read the paper in the last 15 years, meaning they are completely unaware of the local leash law. You round the bend and come up fast behind a pair of unrestrained hounds, spooking them and triggering their defense instinct. What do you do? Kick them? Mace them? No, the animal-lover in you would never hurt someone’s pet, but you’re about three seconds away from a dozen stitches and a rabies shot. They’re closing in fast…if only you had a way to redirect their attention. This type of situation is the precise reason why savvy spring runners have a few sticks of Pup-Peroni on them at all times. Reach for the treats, chuck them into the air, and make a break for it. Trust me, no dog—or even some humans—can resist these delicious nuggets of hardened meat product.

2.) Obese woodland creatures – After coming out of hibernation, the neighborhood squirrels made a beeline for your garbage can, where they ate themselves silly on pizza crusts and expired cottage cheese. Now they’re fat and on the verge of developing type 2 diabetes. They can handle only short bursts of physical activity, so after darting onto the sidewalk to claim a stray acorn, they become so exhausted that they cannot summon the energy to move even though you are about to trample over them. Luckily, you’ve spent the winter practicing speed and agility drills in preparation for this exact moment. Just as the chubby rodent comes into your field of view, you launch into a lateral skate jump, barely averting a messy road kill disaster.

3.) Discarded objects – As temperatures spike to near-tropical levels (we’re talking high 40s and low 50s) the layers of snow and ice will begin to recede, revealing an entire winter’s worth of lost and forgotten items. From unwanted Happy Meal toys (because hey, that Buzz Lightyear action figure looked way cooler in the commercial) to freeze-dried dog turds, the ground is littered with abandoned articles just waiting to ruin your day. This is not the season to zone out and attempt to Zen your way through a run—that’s an open invitation for poopy shoes and a sprained ankle. Keep all five senses on high alert, and you’ll avoid (literally) finding yourself in deep doo-doo.

4.) Potholes – It’s been a long, hard winter (curse you Dick Cheney and your weather machine!) and all that cold air and moisture has wreaked havoc on paved roads. Your city looks like a third-world country, dotted with craters so big they could easily be mistaken for UFO crash sites. The numerous pavement pockmarks are particularly unkind to low-riding vehicles—like the timelessly sexy PT Cruiser—but they present an even more dangerous situation to spring road runners like you and me. Losing your balance on a patch of uneven pavement could lead to any number of ailments, from a twisted ankle to lockjaw. So be aware of your surroundings, and stick to the sidewalk whenever possible.