Precip prescrip

April showers bring May flowers.

As much as I would like to believe in the promise offered by this little gem of a nursery rhyme, I’ve lived through enough Montana springs to know that the showers don’t end in April. Or May. Or June. And flowers? Pshh. I don't plan on seeing any of those until mid-August.

Unlike the steady downpours of notoriously wet locations like Seattle or Portland, Montana precipitation is a sample platter of points that fall along the water-to-ice spectrum.

While some varieties of moisture are essentially harmless, others are potentially hazardous or even life threatening. I have compiled the following pocket guide to running in spring precipitation, complete with an illustrated danger scale and protective gear recommendations.

1.) Mist – A very fine, almost vaporous rain. Gives air a humid, coastal quality. Warm temperatures feel warmer, cold temperatures feel colder. Hair styling products rendered ineffective.

Variations: Icy mist (in winter-like conditions, e.g. Montana spring)

Recommendations: Wear layers and peel away when saturated. Pin back bangs to prevent unsightly frizz/forehead discomfort.

2.) Drizzle – A steady, medium-paced rain typically occurring in cool, overcast conditions.

Variations: Windy drizzle (a.k.a. wrizzle)

Recommendations: Wear waterproof outer shell. Avoid cotton garments (unless you plan to use your soaked hoodie sweatshirt as a form of weight resistance training). Post-run, use hot shower, electric blanket and/or tea to raise core temperature and fight onset of hypothermia. (Simultaneous use of hot shower and electric blanket not recommended.)

3.) Cloudburst – A sudden, forceful explosion of rainfall that makes you wonder what the ground did to deserve such violent abuse.

Variations: Horizontal cloudburst (a.k.a. hurricane)

Recommendations: Avoid loose-fitting clothing in favor of spandex, swimwear, or full-body wetsuit. In extreme cases, swimming goggles and galoshes may be necessary.

4.) Sleet – Half-frozen precipitation with the consistency of a 7-Eleven Slurpee. (Less delicious than a 7-Eleven Slurpee.)

Variations: Hard sleet (more than 50% frozen), soft sleet (less than 50% frozen)

Recommendations: Wear long, thick tights to better absorb impact and moisture. Brimmed hat (e.g. Souvenir Mexican sombrero, because what else are you going to use that for?) may help deflect sleet globs away from face.

5.) Graupel – Small, spherical pellets of hardened snow. Often mistaken for vanilla Dippin’ Dots. (Less delicious than vanilla Dippin’ Dots.)

Variations: Mega-graupel (Think giant Dippin’ Dots. Still no resemblance in taste.)

Recommendations: Barring unusually strong gusts of wind, graupel is relatively harmless and can be treated as regular snow. Dress accordingly.

6.) Hail – Small bits of ice that vary in size and shape; the most volatile and unpredictable of all types of spring precipitation. Famous for causing headaches, both directly (e.g. runners hit repeatedly in the face and head) and indirectly (e.g. car insurance agents bombarded with claims following a particularly violent storm).

Variations: Miniature hail (think uncooked rice), giant hail (size ranges from golf ball to grapefruit)

Recommendations: Avoid outdoor activity if possible. If you are a diehard crazy who must run, consider wearing leather chaps, helmet and/or protective face shield.