Let’s face it: finding the motivation to hit the road can be
a tall order for even the most dedicated runners—especially when they are
forced to choose between a grueling training session and a leisurely social
engagement. Are you going to tell me that Paula Radcliffe has never been
tempted to ditch a mile repeats in favor of getting bloody right bladdered with
her best mates? Bollocks!
But, as any experienced dieter will tell you, the best way
to stay on track with a plan is to eliminate the temptation to stray from it.
If there is no Nutella in the cupboard, there is no chance that you will
spoon-shovel the entire jar of said Nutella into that vacuum of self-control you call
a mouth, thus completely sabotaging the four ounces of lean protein and steamed
vegetables you just choked down.
Similarly, if you eliminate the opportunity to go out, you
will significantly reduce your chances of abandoning a run to barhop with your pals. And the best way to do that—the titular “one easy step,” if you
will—is to completely isolate yourself from anyone with whom you have friendly
relations. If you live upwards of 30 minutes away from your nearest friend,
you’ll be much less likely to give into the urge to get your party on, which in
turn makes you much more likely to resort to filling your free time with a nice,
long run instead.
Like, let’s say—hypothetically, of course—that a casual
Internet search for nearby live music shows reveals that the “valley’s best Tom
Petty cover band” will be playing at a bar less than two blocks away from your
apartment—tonight! This piques your interest because Tom Petty—one of the
greatest classic rock musicians of the last quarter century—is one of your
favorite musical artists of all time, and the next best thing to seeing Tom
Petty live and in concert is seeing the valley’s best Tom Petty cover band live
and in concert.
However, further research on the concert venue—in the form
of several exceptionally eloquent Yelp reviews—yields a slightly unsettling consensus: it’s a “total dive biker bar.” Unsure of what to do, you
again turn to the Internet for advice because hey, you’re a blogger, and you
know what you’re talking about at least 40 percent of the time. So there has to
be someone out there with some insightful advice on the subject of young women
frequenting drinking establishments alone. You enter the query “can women go
out to bars alone” into the Google search field and hit enter. Upon perusing
the results, you make the shocking discovery that when a woman goes into a bar
alone, she’s sometimes assumed to be—get ready for this—a prostitute!
And just like that, your dreams of rocking along to “Won’t
Back Down” are dead in the proverbial water because—ironically—when it
comes to prostitution (or even the semblance of prostitution), you will back
down. On the plus side—there’s always a silver lining, folks!—once the option
of going out is wiped off the table, running becomes a viable form of evening
entertainment. More than viable, actually. As illustrated by the charts below,
it is in fact the preferred choice.
Running
Drinking
Plus, depending on the intensity level of your workout, the end result could be very similar to what you might experience after a night of heavy drinking. You’ll feel tired, dehydrated, dizzy, and possibly even a bit nauseous. The only difference is that you won’t wake up with a hangover the next morning (yep, there’s that silver lining again!).
hmmmm. this is a dilemma. Do you wear a burka so that no one will think youre a prostitute, but then if there are paranoid types there - you must likely will be called in as a terrorist who likes tom petty cover bands?
ReplyDeleteOr Do you then resort to a nun's habit, thereby letting all people think you are claimed by God, thereby reducing your chances of anyone talking to you like a normal person? Or do you wear the habit, have a drink in hand while scooty booting to "dont do me like that" and thereby ruin the reputation of thousands of centuries of pious nuns?
Or do you just run in there (after paying cover of course) after a run, sweaty, tenny runners, shorts etc...and everyone lets you do your thing? because you forgot to change your socks from the last weeks total of runs?
hmmmm... ;)